Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Lost Art of Fist Fighting

I say bring back the fist fight! In this day and age with all the violence on TV, in the movies, rap records, and the newspapers it seems everybody has a gun. People just aint slappin people like they used to. I wish I could find the first raggedy nigga who brought a gun to a fist fight. I'd wait until he put that gun down and sneak up on his ass and slap the shit outta him! Just for fuckin up the world's knuckle game! when I say fist fight, I mean a good old fashioned fair one. None of that jumpin shit! And I'm not advocating a fight at all times. Fist fighting should never be used to settle an argument when the right answer can be proven to no dispute. If you say the capital of India is Mumbai and I say New Dehli, all we gotta do is look the shit up on wikipedia to solve that one. Aint no need to bust nobody's head over no shit like that.Fist figting should be reserved for ethical disputes over man/woman law! Because depending on which man or woman raised you, your code of ethics might be vastly different then mine.

After all, let's not forget, fighting is a form of communication. One that was acceptable at some point in societies around the world. Animals have the right idea when it comes to this jack! Ever see 2 rams in a dispute? Let one ram stand too close to another ram,"Say blood, you standing too close to me" "Well look here Jack, that's really too bad cuz this here is where i'm standing" "Says who? "Sheeeit says me!" "Well who died and made you HNIC?" "Well aint nobody died yet, but if you keep jaw jackin you can call me a genie cuz your wish will be my command sucka!" "well don't talk about it, be about it!" "you aint said nuthin but a word! let's get it on!" BAM!!! BAM!! BAM!!!! And the ram who's still standing is the one who's right.

Let's say your out with your homie at Tillmans or some shit, right? Now you done settled up next to something real sweet, somebody really worth looking at like the chick from Slumdog Millionaire or something {cut to me saying "mmm" with the stank face}. Now you buying her drinks and kickin some real fly shit in her ear and she's diggin it. When suddenly nature calls, I mean that kinda shit's gonna happen when you drinkin and whatnot. So you excuse yourself. You tell her you gotta take the Browns to the Superbowl or some smooth shit like that. That's when your man decides he's gonna slide in and keep your seat warm. Now she's tipsy (thanks to you) and tahee hee'n and shit. This fool's a regular Richard Pryor after all them damn apple martini's you bought her. Us good lookin dudes, we travel in packs. It's a rule. It's written in the fine nigga's handbook. We all get one after puberty if you make the cut. So your boy probably aint no funny lookin' dude, unless you are then it really doesn't matter anyway because chances are both of you were going home alone with your dick in your hands! Talkin about the chick you "almost" got. So now, your pretty boy friend has swooped in and gotten the girl's number and set up a rendezvous for a later date while you were fighting to get to the bathroom so you can take a wiz! So how do you confront your homie? Your man law states that you were the first to make contact, so you should have the first option to closing the deal. But he tells you his man law is more in line with Iceberg slim "Your chick chose me!" Both are valid arguments. I mean you did warm up the slots so this man could come in right behind you and hit the jackpot. But, like he said "Your chick chose him!"

So now you've reached a stalemate. It's become more than obvious that you aint coming to any sort of amicable agreement on the subject. So now what? Nothing left to do but fight! I mean you can set the rules: 3 minute maximum, no poking each other in the eyes, no sand, shit like that. but bottm line is, somebody's ass has got to get kicked! Whomever's foot does the most connecting with ass is the winner! he gets the number and shows up to the date and hopes for the best. After all, you guys are friends. What's a little fisticuffs between fellas? You'll bounce back. And best of all, you won't have to stop speaking over it or some chump shit like that. That's why I say knuckle up my friends! it's what a gentleman would do!


  1. yeah I agree on that one homie. I go through my moments, hating the world cause I aint punched somebody in the face in long time. adrenaline all the way up type shit. my blood aint pumped like that in a long time.

    manhood died a bit when the fist fight went away.

  2. I'm absolutely down with this. people don't fist fight anymore because some ass is going to pull out a knife or gun. But men like to throw down every once in a while. its ok, we can still be friends afterward. it happened all the time in high school.